Til She Finds Him
by Lantarmiel
Summary: [Spring Awakening] Ilse finds Moritz with the gun and tries to show him that there is another way to go. Based more on the original play, but incorporates musicalverse. Self indulgent wishful thinking, really. Rated M for naughty things Ilse knows.


Pairing: Ilse/Moritz  
Rating: M  
Notes: I've wanted to write this since I read the original play. It's based mostly on that, with little bits of the musical sprinkled in, particularly since such a large part of the fic is what Ilse is wearing (which is not an oversized white shirt).

* * *

Ilse crept down the path, marveling at how silent her footsteps were, now that she wore the ballet slippers Adolar had bought her for their celebration. 'Kätzchen,' he called her, stroking her hair and hand feeding her the chocolates he always bought with the money left over after paints and canvas, even before food and rent. 

She was about to start singing, some vulgar ditty she had picked up from the artists, but a motion through the brush made her pause. She heard a voice—a young man's voice, distressed. She padded closer, carefully pushing the branches out of her way.

She gasped softly as she realized who it was—dear Moritz Stiefel, the boy who had always been by her side as Captain Ilse the Insouciant's First Mate when they played at being pirates. She had called him Moritz the Fearless, out of some vague hope that her fantasies would begin to blur into reality and make him so.

Moritz. He sat on the ground with a stack of schoolbooks beside him, and in his trembling hands he held a gun. She couldn't hear what he was saying as he turned it over and over in his hands, but the hopeless look on his face filled her with dread. She saw him glancing around, seeming to search for something.

"What are you looking for?" she asked suddenly, pushing through the brush to join him in the clearing.

He jumped to his feet, hiding the gun behind his back and tucking it into the waistband of his pants. "Ilse!"

She asked again. "What are you looking for _here_?"

He took a deep breath, twisting his hands in the fabric of his pants to hide the fact that he was shaking. "Why did you give me such a fright?"

She persisted. "What are you looking for—what have you lost?

He considered, for an instant, telling her everything, but the words stuck in his throat. "Why frighten me so dreadfully?" he demanded.

She sighed slightly. "I've come from the town. I'm going home," she explained.

He tried a half-truth. Ilse was the fairy that appeared in his dreams—the ones he used to have, before those awful blue tights, the ones that had always calmed him when he worried. She could not be lied to. He had a suspicion that she would know if he even tried. "I don't know what I've lost."

She gave him a queer little half-smile. "Then looking for it won't help."

He returned the half-smile and cast his eyes downward. "Hell, hell, hell!" he hissed.

She wore blue tights.

Ilse started at his exclamation, glancing at herself to see what had upset him so. "Moritz?"

He simply stared at her legs, trying not to blink. Every time he his eyes closed, he saw the tights climbing over the lectern again… and knew that from now on, Ilse would follow them, He gasped and looked down at himself as he felt his body's traitorous reaction—the stirrings of manhood, as Melchior had called them.

"Moritz, are you ill?" Ilse cried, reaching out to grab his shoulder concernedly.

He stiffened as her pale hand wrapped around him. "Ilse… you shouldn't touch me. I… oh, god…" he stammered, trying to force his body to obey his mind.

She followed his mortified gaze, her mouth forming a silent 'O' as she realized what was distracting him so. "Dear Moritz, is that all your trouble?" she asked, her eyes kind as she raised them to meet his.

A crimson flush crossed his face as he nodded dumbly.

She smiled, and leaned in to murmur conspiratorially in his ear. "_They_ talk about _that_ all the time."

Moritz felt as though he were about to faint. "Around you?" he finally managed to whisper, blushing even more deeply.

Ilse nodded. "I've always said I live where Priapus reigns, Moritz. They do more than talk."

The color that had been accumulating in his cheeks drained immediately. Had his fairy-pirate-queen been so fully taken in by the artists, with their silver tongues and skillful hands? "Do they… have they… with _you_?"

She shook her head. "That's far too dangerous, Moritz. Imagine if there were a child! Heinrich's tried, the beast, but all the rest keep him in check. No, there are… other ways," she explained.

"Other ways?" he echoed, his voice breaking slightly.

"Other ways," she confirmed. She bit her lip in contemplation, and then glanced up at his face with an elfin smile. "Like this."

She slid her hand from his shoulder down to his hip; then gently let it creep to the growing bulge in the front of his pants. He gasped sharply, one hand gripping Ilse's wrist.

"Shh, dearest Moritz," she crooned, delicately stroking him. "If you make a sound, someone might find us."

He bit his lip and inhaled as obviously practiced fingers traced lines he had so often forbid himself from tracing. "I don't think I can stand," he whispered breathlessly, stumbling backwards to lean against a tree, pulling Ilse with him. She smiled again, still reminding him of nothing so much as a pagan goddess—Venus, some still-sensible part of his mind supplied.

If she was Venus, that would make him Adonis, he realized. A small laugh escaped his lips, turning into a groan as she squeezed him gently.

"What amuses you so?" she asked playfully. Usually, with the artists, she was smoldering and sensual, but with Moritz… she could be her true self, as she had always been.

"Latin forever haunts me… but the torture has let me see you as the goddess you are, existing for mortals like me to worship and by which we are amazed," he replied, beginning to pant softly.

"You sound like you've the makings of a poet!" she exclaimed, her breath sweet against his cheek. She hesitated a moment, and then kissed him.

He understood, finally, why books went on so about kisses. He wondered why Melchior had neglected to mention it, save in passing, in the many pages of his essay—when Ilse's tongue slipped between his parted lips, he stopped thinking, and found himself drawing her sharply to him, kissing back with a surprising passion. He pulled back only when the need for air made his head swim.

Now they were both panting, and Ilse felt her knees go weak. She sank to the ground, glancing up at Moritz through her long eyelashes as she began to undo the fly of his pants. As they slid to pool around his ankles, the gun he had tucked into them clattered to the ground. He didn't seem to notice, and she pointedly ignored the weapon, instead wrapping her hands fully around his hardened shaft, smoothly stroking him. He groaned softly and his eyes fluttered closed, utterly overcome by the sensations—with every passing moment, the fears that had nearly caused him to take his life moments ago were being pulled away from his very soul.

Suddenly, warm wetness enveloping his member made him cry out in shock. He looked down wildly to see a curtain of dark curls moving between his legs, and realized that she had taken him into her mouth—and was licking and sucking delicately at him until he could no longer stand it.

"Ilse, I… oh God!" he hissed, grasping at the tree as he came hard.

Utterly spent, he slid down the smooth tree until he sat on the grass beneath, legs splayed in front of him. He felt a grin, the first in he didn't know how long, spread across his lips as he gazed adoringly at Ilse through half-lidded eyes.

She smiled—almost shyly—at him. "I'll be right back," she murmured, darting down to the riverbank where he heard her splashing for a moment before she returned, drying her hands on her skirt. Her eyes met his for a moment, and then shifted to the forgotten gun on the ground next to him.

"You were going to use it, weren't you," she said softly.

It wasn't a question.

"I… I've been expelled from school. I've no money, I've disgraced my parents, and I can scarcely stand to see anyone I know… save Melchi. And you," he explained, his voice gaining strength as he recovered and fixed his pants, forcing himself to analyze the last minutes' events later.

Ilse knelt next to him, taking the gun and turning it over in her hands. "I know what it feels like to have a loaded pistol pressed against your skin, Moritz. I do. Will you… will you throw this in the river? Throw it away and… and… and come with me!"

His eyes seemed to bore into hers, his soul laid bare. "Ilse, I'm scared. I don't… I'm not a man of actions, I'm a man of thoughts; of ideas…." He trailed off.

"Priapia doesn't yet have a poet or philosopher," she commented. "and I'll be with you," she added softly, twining her fingers with his.

He looked uncertain for a moment, before a faint smile spread over his face. "If you're there," he said, "I can do anything."

She let out a whoop and pulled him to his feet, handing him the pistol. Dashing to the riverbank, he took a deep breath and hurled the offending item into the middle, where it landed with a loud splash and sank.

He felt lighter and freer than he could ever remember being when he turned back to Ilse, his face lit up with a grin.

"In what direction lies Priapia, Captain Ilse?"

She giggled and grabbed his wrist, and they crashed through the brush, running full tilt down the path.


End file.
